Poetry, philosophy and madness by an Intelligent and divergent mind; The Zolly Darko.|
"You may think that he's an average Joe but when you'll get to know him you'll see that there's a fine line between genius and insane."
7/3/2021 "The insane man's reasoning."Am I the insane man that I see. Or am I the sane man I know that I am? Have I received wisdom; and where does it come from? Am I the voices in my head that tells me Don't worry. It's going to be alright. Am I the reason in my mind; The logic that I see and the patterns and the coincidence. Who and what am I. Long and dark hours I've spent in suffering. Alone, and in the darkness. I am the ones we scream away in the dark. From the depths of hell I cry out; Tryin' to reach God. Yet here I am. The one that understands. The one who realizes, who is above the thinking boxes of mankind. Yes indeed; having a higher consciousness. Being too intelligent for my own good. You may say, you may think, that there's no logic that drives me to speak. Yet it takes a genius to see, and to understand, what that I am saying am. I have walked the hard way, I have talked the talk. I've been the one, and I wonder how. Religion is hypocrisy, the mind it knows. Atheism is the darkside, the people of Satan they think they are right. The books of prophets and the teaching of the Law; But God is Not love. So I cannot believe. Yet I am; what I am. I know what I know. But I cannot believe. How can I? I cant be smarter than the One God. My reasoning nor my love can be higher than His. But then again; Some who came across on my path, they said: I am God. They said: I am Jesus. And I was frightened; because I knew they want a sacrifice. Once again, mankind wants someone else to be punished for their sins. In deep hell I sometimes dwell; but yet I am heaven, and heaven I bring. My insanity is this; It's built on things only a genius could understand. I've read the bible; I know the meaning of the teaching. And so again I say; those religious, those hypocrites! Death am I, in the universe - black is my sky. I am star, I am born with wings, and with spirit. Nobody knows where I came from; Nor do they know where I go. The narcissist here is me. The deluded man is here as well. The logician and the prophet, the philosopher and the realist. Here I am. Alone. Because there's None to understand, that which I am. That which I'm saying. Trying to say. Am I the only one. Is there anyone out there. I am alone. Indeed. A man of few words, may seem. Or a rambling fool, that doesn't make any sense. So here we go again. The vampires they are satisfied. They drank my pain like wine. They sip and they sap. Because they eat the children of the God. We are their life; the salt of the world. Again into my delusional rhyme. I'll never find a way out. Yet I'm already here. Somewhere. In my own universe, the heavens that I dwell in.
8/3/2021 "Copy& paste."The prayer:
May the Creator, the God the allfather, forgive us, have mercy on us and bring to us a world that overflow with milk and honey. May the creator God; look to us with mercy and sympathy and understanding for our wrong doings. may the merciful Christ come with mercy and all the holy angels with him. May the Lord Jesus mercy be with all.
Humans are not corrupt and evil, If you believe that then you believe everyone is like you. Learning to understand people is Not the same as to think everyone is like you. We are all different in all kinds of ways. I dislike proudful , arrogant behavior and people that think they are smarter than others. There are not really any "stupid people". Also wisdom is to know that nobody can always be right. We are all wrong now and then. Strength is to admit that we are wrong. Wisdom is to understand how other think and reason. More or less we are all fools; but the ones that realize they are fools have the oppertunity to evolve. Greatest of things is compassion, and empathy for those who are not lucky in life. Despiseful are the people who laugh at those who are unlucky in life. Humans are all different; there are good humans and bad humans and those in between. There is no sinless human or perfect human. Religion or not religion, faith or not faith, has nothing to do with intelligence.
10/3/2021 "Philosophy of a great mind."Yeah so I call my mind great. Isn't that a piece of narcissism spooking around? Well. I am a realist, an open-minded guy with lightningbolts in my brain. I'm the crazy man with the crazy thinking. IQ test author nr 1. The Sundark prophet and the madman, here I am. I dwell in my own reality, where some crazy stuff like paranoia has it's parts. My understanding of the world; of the human race. My love and benevolence for those who are weaker than me. I know that I might be a fool; yet we can only evolve if we accept our flaws, and want to change. Is that true? I don't know. Maybe I made it up. Maybe I'm just another crazy guy in a world of madness, stupidity, and misunderstanding. As I myself, the great philosopher, has the misunderstanding of paranoia. Am I schizophrenic? Am I a hebephrenic? Yes indeed. Look it up. You'll see how crazy we are. We are the nature's messengers, the shamans of the new age. We are the crazy men in the hospitals, we are the madness in your mind. The flaw of the universe, the cause of existence. We are thinkers, understanders, philosophers, dreamers. We are One with the banner of the holy mind. We are the reason, the meaning, we are all, the reason and the meaning. We are all the angel and the demon, the prophet and the hypocrite. We are all sinner, lover, dreamers and killers. We are the entities in a world so beautiful, can't you see the paradise we live in? We are the voices that reaches out into the universe. We are the radio and the transmitter. We are the message, and our message reaches out in the whole universe. As the aliens spotted us; as they arrived on our planet. Oh dear, I'm insane, just once again. The young man here is me. The youth, the kid, the childish man. Who and what am I, I dream away in a world of magic. Who and what are you, as you dream away in a world of magic. Do you have an open mind, or do you believe only in facts, science, and that. Well, I can tell you - only because you havn't seen something, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. And I exist.
13/3/2021 "Maybe I am a devil..."
14/3/2021 "The sons of God visits Earth."
14/3/2021 "Trying Poetry."Who do you say that I am , who am I.
Do you know my feelings, do you know my suffering?
Why do you hate me, and judge me?
Why am I destined to pain; No matter if I go left or right.
Who do you say that I am, who am I?
I am fallen, I am doomed.
I am singing my songs of freedom;
like a Bird I need to fly.
All I ever wanted, all I ever asked.
Why are we destined to suffer?
Each and one of us going down under the earth.
We'll be burnt or buried.
Just a memory in the past, soon being forgotten.
We are the voices, we shout out into the universe.
Some of us are angels, some of us are demons.
Some of us are human.
Some of us know, and some of us will be judged.
You may think that it's God; but you don't know.
You save the one who can only save you.
But you forget the other guy, hidden in the background.
The myth and the legend; I am.
I am what I am.
And you don't know who I am.
You don't know my heart, nor my mind.
You may be a telepath. But you don't know.
You may think you're wise. But you don't know.
I am; The myth and the legend.
I am what I am.
Is this all I am?
With wings and a bright white halo, I sing my song of freedom.
Like a bird I fly into the sky.
I'll close my eyes and dream away.
Forever, is a long time. Eternity, is a place.
Do you know who I am , can you see it in my face?
Do you have grace ?
Will you show mercy or will you show spite?
Why do you hate me?
Can you see into my soul, and tell me my name, who I am?
So I fly away, somehow, to live another day.
14/3/2021 "Hebephrenic schizophrenia."This is my diagnosis since the age of 15. I think the diagnosis is accurate. I have a childish behavior, and sometimes a bit disorganized thought and behavior. I've got anxiety; and I have hypocondria. As I am deeply attached in religious thinking because of reading the bible. At the same time being very skeptic, and questioning this faith. Yes I believe in God, but I am not religious. I think there is too much hypocrisy for it to be true. However it is not possible that everything has been created the way it has, without a Creator. So in my honest oppinion I think the creation is proof of God's existence. You may think I'm an idiot or fool for believing that, or if you as well are agnostic or a christian, maybe jew or muslim, you'll have a better understanding. I do not judge people that are atheist as long as they are not judging me or what I believe. I think that as "human" we must accept how other people think and reason, because everyone think and reason differently. We are all different. There is also a say that we can understand other people by understanding ourselves but I wouldn't agree to that. Other people are not like you, or me, everyone is different and also unique, everyone have their own unique soul which combines their spirit, personality, characterism, feelings, intellect, etc etc. Also some humans are completely evil, while others can be almost like saints. There are as well no sinless human or perfect human, but there are alot of nice people out there. I have spent alot of times in hospital against my will for psychosis. When psychotic I am paranoid, delusional and I have hallucinations, also my behavior is disorganized, and I get alot of energy, I become creative, even more intelligent, and I would say that my mental ability and my physical becomes more powerful. I believe that when I am in psychosis I'm not really human anymore, but something more like a beast or even angel. At the moment I am taking clozapine, which is a heavy medicine with lots of side effects. But I am in quite good shape, which is OK. As a person with mental illness and has been many times locked up in hospitals I can also say that there are some bad doctors and nurses out there, while there also are good ones. So I am a realist; I don't judge all for what some does. Same goes with other believers like jews and muslims, I don't judge muslims for believing in the Quran. And as far as it goes with jews I know they are God's chosen people (The people of Israel.) The bible is full of that, that the jews being God's people and I completely agree to it and am not jealous or anything like that. In fact if I were an angel when Adam and Eva was created I'd without doubt bow before them and bless them. I am also a supporter of humanity; I do not want the human race to be extinct. There was a time when I wanted that, in my teen age and early adulthood. I was misguided, an angry young man but because I was intelligent, ofc I'd be angry about how the world works. I hope that humanity in the future will learn to find peace, that the wars , terrorism, etc, will be gone. Much like K-Pax. Our planet finally having found peace, understanding, humility, and that we focuse on saving the planet and the human race. Finding cure to many sicknesses, like cancer, and so on. When it comes to curing schizophrenia; for example in my case. Maybe I wouldn't be "genius" if I wasn't schizophrenic. As well as maybe I'm not a "genius" but I do believe I am ( smile.) About my hallucinations; I do not hear voices or such but I do get thoughts in my mind that are not my own. The hallucinations I've had have been on the TV, and stuff happening around me, sort of like visual hallucinations. The paranoia has been terrible, I was afraid of being murdered, eaten , etc. But there were also good things with being in psychosis, for example the power I get, the energy, the increasing creativity and intelligence, and the magic I get. For example the magic to change eye color, or also to help other people, usually mentally. Maybe I think like this because I am a schizo, or maybe it is true. Who knows. Maybe the doctors know. When it comes with doctors; I think to be a good doctor you must listen to the patient, and allow them to decide also what kinds of medicine they wanna take. Some of these medicines are NOT good. They may have some bad side effects, like many people gain lots of weight, which is neither fun. In my case I havn't gained weight of the medicines, so I'm lucky. But I have other side effects instead like tiredness, lower emotions, and I am more human now which I do not prefer to be. I love being me when Iam psychotic, just that I dont want the delusions, paranoia and hallucinations. Being in hospital can also be very bad; but there are fun times too. I wouldn't recommend this life for anybody else, that I have survived it is because I am mentally very strong. Most people wouldn't have made it in my shoes. This is true.
11/5/2021 "Something that I wrote."Taken from my facebook page. I removed it; cause I think it might not be well understood by sensetive people.
I am a professional IQ test designer and also a great philosopher and thinker. With the gift of creativity and artistic. But if you know me personally I may not be that good. I may seem childish and crazy; saying weird stuff and act weirdly. However if you treat me with respect and kindness, I will treat you back the same. However dont take my kindness for weakness. Also dont be surprised if I am rude; I am a rebel in a fallen world. I love good and kind people; and I despise evil hypocrites. I dont really hate anyone however. Always also happy to see when bad people become good. Or to see goodness in bad people. I am not "saved by Jesus" I am a wreck and a sinner. And I am also a doubter. My sanity tells me that its just bullshit. But ofcourse I do not know.
I dont like satanists and I dont like witches. Why? Satanists are sadist and antisocial people. Their belief that satan is good and that satan is better than God and all that= All I can say is= BULLSHIT. Witches take the law in their own hands and curse whoever they dont like. But if you are a good witch; protecting the weak and those who cant protect themself, if you use your magic to heal and do good; then I have nothing against you. I dislike nazi people, I think they are cowards and hypocrites. I want to rebuke people that call you racist only because you are realist. I despise doctors and people with power who abuse their power. I dislike psychiatry because it is the work of manipulation and to manipulate peoples mind. I despise those who hit their animals, their wives and their children. I despise priests who hind behind God and molesting children. I despise foreigners who come into your country and destroy it. I despise religious people who are hypocrites and does no good what they preach. I despise atheist for being such arrogant and cant leave those with faith alone. I despise the rulers of the world who sit in joy and say to themselves "what luck that men dont think!" I despise what the church did in the past and I despise people that hurt other people. I despise them who feed upon fear and weakness; they who use the weak and the old. I despise liars and manipulators. And I despise snitches and "cops-kinda-people" who rat on you. I despise them that despises me; Cause im a lil narcissistic. But there is great benevolence in me; I rejoice when someone that hated me becomes my friend. I rather forgive you than destroy you, but there are some that I indeed want to destroy. People that has not suffered in life knows nothing about suffering. If you have suffered, you dont want to bring it to someone else.
Its another thing to read the bible and a complete another thing to understand it. The bible is toxic for the mind. Trust in yourself and in your abilities. I dont say "Dont believe God" I say "Use your mind/head. Think for yourself." there are alot of weird stuff in the world and alot of weird kinds of people with weird kinds of talents. Its impossible to say and be accurate= There is God . or B) There is not God. the option is C) We dont know.
22/5/2021 "Poem of today; The killer."I am killer;
destroyer of minds.
I am logic;
Concept of truth.
I am prophet;
I know the gods.
I am sinner;
I am saint;
I am, is my name.
This and that;
Here I am once again.
Gateway for the spirit realm.
Standing in the halls of pyramids.
I am the answer;
I am the reason;
I am Everything and I am nothing.
Im born in space.
I am destruction;
Rage and death.
I am killer;
destroyer of minds.
I am logic;
Concept of delusion.
I am insane.
I come from hell.
I ve been in heaven.
Im the star;
Bright and shiny.
The endless road I walk.
Alone; Like a ghost.
Im the beginning and the end.
24/5/2021. "Faith is Hypocrite's nest."Faith given with broken promises. The illusion of being saved is, brainwashed again. You wake up to the same hell and every day is the same. You need drugs to feel fine. In life we are the angels of the dark, we cast aside our love and embrace the truth. In truth I spoke, but my truth was lies and insanity. I am the man He thinks he's know, but i m just another insane man where angels cry blood. We are born and raised to a world that doesnt give a damn. Step by step we all fall and grace is lost to all. The faith of the religious is understanding without mercy. You say "believe" or "I shall perish." your religion is slavery and it is the destruction of an intelligent mind. Who am I. I wonder. born in a world Im a foreigner, im an outsider. born in a world, I dont belong. Truth you seek but lies you speak. Love you claim but its hate you feel. You're the hypocrite and the bullshitter. Your promises are lies without end. It's just the same. All in one game, and the name of the game is a secret to the world as you walk away from life. Age and die. You're destined to return to the ground. Your preach is the opium for the masses. I don't need. I don't want your insanity. I don't want your lies. Where is that love you say you have ? Where is that mercy over my soul? All I ever wanted was forgiveness, to hear the true voice of God. But none of you has it, you're all a bunch of hypocrites and your faith is delusion. I am sorry if I left a bad taste in your mouth, but now you have someone to blame. The man to blame is the man who knows. And No one knows.
26/5/2021 "Copy&paste II."I wrote this on facebook and considered to share it on my SchizoLogs as well:
(About faith in God, religion, etc.)
No one knows the truth and whatever books you read you are not sure if they are true as well. Things makes sense to humans because it suit their main belief. So everyone is wrong until truth is revealed. Christians claim to know the truth through the bible and their faith in the Jesus of the bible. as atheist choose to believe the arguments against this faith. All is hypocrites. Its a big mess of minds that all believe differently. What makes sense to one does not make sense to the other. Fact is not always fact and proof is not always proof. Its a belief system in humanity. And everyone believe in something.
: What I so many times want to tell people is that: Its OK to believe in God and its OK to not to. Just dont involve hate and judgement against each other. Like any dreamer we dream of world peace. A society where humans learn to live with each other and their differences. An intelligent and benevolent world. Some of us are benevolent, intelligent and especially "aware." But most humans are not. And many follow lies the media teaches them. There is so much fraud and injustice, and fake news. But times are changing and we are here to stay. * I have come to witness the rebirth of paradise. Undespoiled by mankind. I have come to witness the revolution; as long as I live I shall bring the light. As long as there is life in my soul; I shall bring good. But when the light in me has gone out. Please be there for me. *
Imagine there is No....
It's a beautiful world. This is a paradise. Open your eyes and see.
// The schizophrenic man's rant.
14/6/2021 "Something to consider."A spiritual question for all religions and cultures: "Why should I be good?" and "Why should the world expect me to be good?" cannot I be me without being judged for it? Since nobody is perfect. The answer is: "Why should you change me?" because "Are you better than me?" &&& When it comes to the GOD; the agnostic are the only ones who are right. The gift of understanding is very rare, but all humans has it.
Note: The golden rule is what should apply to all humans and species; Do no harm.
29/6/2021 "No one."I am no one, in a world where I dont belong. I am the poet, writing the story of my life. I've been judged, and I've been hated. I've suffered paranoid delusions. I've believed myself to be more than human. Pride is in my heart; I have a big ego. Maybe I am some kind of benevolent narcissist. But I do not know. So I am no one. Just a stranger on the bus, just somebody that you pass by on the street. I try to be good and to make sense. I try to be kind. But like all I fail; and the regret is the same. Today is a new day, with new possibilities. Today is God's mercy. Today I'll live, like every other day. And try to enjoy the moment, because Life is a gift from God. God gives, and God takes. But it doesn't make sense. How can all this suffering be, if God is Allmighty and Good? How can we suffer this much, and being so alone? So I am no one, in a world where I dont belong.
14/9/2021 "I am.""who am i... i wonder and ponder in the dark....what am i.... you may think you know....would you trust me, if i was a devil? would you believe me, if i was an angel?" - A visitor from space.***who am I. i wonder and ponder in the dark*** my life is pain; i am destined to suffering. to loneliness. to face all the mockery. i am what i am. whoever i am. you may think you know, who and what am i... you have the answer, just say my true name- do you know who i really am. say my name. my true name.
And the prince of heaven said; The prince of this world is coming.
And he told us about the end times; he was the prophet from the root of David, the messiah and savior of Israel.
But they crucified him, they put him on a cross and killed him.
The devil didn't know that it was God;
so the story began. and it all turned into shit.
We are the visitors from space, *not of this world* and we were with our master in the beginning.
The world does not know who we are.
They dont know where we came from.
I am another rampage angel in hell, a star blazing in the abyss .
I am what I am. and my father created me eons ago. I came into this world; I made suicide in the heavens.
The world dont know who we are. as we were born as humans. We are the stars that shine through the universe.
We are the sons of God; the bene elohim.
The watchers of the old age;
I am* is my God's name.
Yah yah yah. You are you and I am me.
28/9/2021 "Exalted to humbled."Reading the bible I realize I am one of the fallen spirits. I hope that God will be able to forgive me, the prophets and the saints, and most of all Yeshua. I may be benevolent spirit, but am still not of God.... knowing this, Because of the bible. I wish Gods people the best, good luck, and that your path will be straight and good, you shall be the kings in the kingdom to come. Jesus is Lord and Jesus should be Lord; that is the will of God the Father. that we believe in One who God sent. however since i am already condemned, there is nothing i can do to change that. It is God that has called, and chosen, His people. and I do not want to be an antichrist, an enemy to the people of God; I want to be one of the angels that helped them when they were in need.
I used to believe, in my psychotic mind, that I was one of the seven stars of Lord Yeshua. But who am I, deluded like the devil who thought that he served God. I'm just someone in the world, with the insight and the understanding. A fallen angel, a fallen soul. A person in the world; unknown. For I am spirit, a ghost born into the world. I am no one; nothing. Just a fog in the wood, just a sad poem you read before you go. There's no excuse, I've sinned. As sin leads to death, and righteousness to eternal life. Ofcourse I want to be immortal, an undying in the world. Ofcourse I dont want to perish into hell. Ofcourse I want the eternal life, but who am I. The devil who thinks that he serves the God. I'm the hypocrite, as the hypocrite I judge. Our Lord said; Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what measure ye meet, it shall be measured to you again. (Mat 7.) And the religious they just go on, bringing false hope. There's no saving for me, I know, I've tried it so many times. It all ends up back to where I was, in darkness, pondering about my fate. Maybe I am an angel; maybe I am a demon. Is it I that will judge I? Or is it God; who will judge me? You say that if I don't believe in your words, I am condemned. And I do not believe in your words; because you're the hypocrite. As I always tell them Mat 7. Read that chapter, because you're not from God, you're just man, a fool. You don't know the things I know or seen the things I've seen. Those who will judge me , will they judge me with love and mercy? Obviously they will. But you're not one of them. You're even fooling yourself. You claim to be servants of God, but you're hypocrites. You don't even understand your own bible. Then claim, that you serve the Word of God; which you are not. So here I am once again, critisizing the religious for their hypocrisy. Just because I'm fallen doesn't mean I don't know. and I know.
13/10/2021 "Life is pain."Life is what it is. An unfair game. Life is a prison of existence; suffering of old age. Destined to die, like all. You walk through life. Destiny is nocking on your door. You are the one in control. Some will get sick, eventually all will die. Born into this world as you scream; dying is the last thing you'll feel. Life is pain, a misery, a tragedy. Life is unfair. It gives you choices, and the butterfly effect of all. Destined to the grave, into the fire you'll burn away. Religion and faith is a hope in these days. But the logic is accurate, so the agnostic stands wise. You live life and the consiquence are the same. One day to forget, one tomorrow to accept. Yesterday brought your pain; and today is another day -- a chance to do better. Being good is a boring game; being honest is true. Being bad is a toxic behavior; leading down the roads below. Intelligent is sneaky as the humour is creative. Life is life; and death is the end. One day to remember and one day to forget. Now is the moment we are living in. A thousand years has passed, and a thousand more will pass. In life you will fail, and you will succeed. Learning from yesterday's mistake, You are you and I am me. We are the centre of the universe, born into a world of lies. History was written by men, and History was changed by men. The truth is hard to find, and to see, to understand. Life is a puzzle, an intelligence test at it's best. No more delay, will you find who you are? Will you survive this game of life? Will you be healthy, will you be wealthy? Do you have a good taste, an excentric characterism? Who are you and who am I? All we know, is that Life is pain.
13/10/2021 "Paradise."The messiahs are preparing the way. A society burning up in flames. The future is at hand; as the children of God stand tall. The days of pain is over, a new era has begun. The Lord he says "I am making everything new." Life is a puzzle below. A demons nest is growing strong. They gather an army worthy of Mordor. In their greed and evil they'll attack the Golden Kingdom. The messiahs are preparing a way. They gather the saints from all the world. The days are near; and a new era is at hand. Life is a choice you make. Some will choose life; and some will choose death. The devil had confused them all, leading them astray from the truth. He gathered them in promises to win the holy war. But the messiahs cannot be stopped; For it is the Almighty that supports them. A story and another story, many prophecies written in blood. The future is near and the world stands at the edge. Sanity is overrated; the children of God had their minds broken; their faith was toxic to their brain. They tried to make a change, as they saved souls on their road. Now is too late, for the trumpets shall blow. Seven angels comes forth, each of them holding a trumpet. The God of heaven has made it clear, through prophecies written in despair. John went out to the world and prophecied about the end times; the Angel he gave his message and the angel he measured the temple. The sun shall become black as wool, and the moon will be red as blood. There shall be magic in the skies; and the earth will tremble, and war alarms from one nation to the other as the bombs will launch and put the world on fire. Paradise, they say, it is paradise. As the brainwashed blow up themselves into pieces to paradise. A fallen messiah comes forth, with great might from the north. Stained in blood and great wings; he say: "I am the angel of the north, I come with great force!" and the prophet greeted him on the other side of the lands. The prophet woed "How do you come in such glory? What have you done?" And the angel would respond and say to the prophet "For I was crowded with enemies, and they would not let me go. So i trampled them down with my feet, and stained my wings with their blood."
18/10/2021 "I am a hypocrite."I realize, I am, a hypocrite. I am a sinner, a wrongdoer, a prideful fool. I think I have the reasoning; the understanding, and I have. But I should be smarter than what I do. I judge the world, I judge religion, I judge the hypocrisy and all the conspiracy. I am a man of taste, a will that can break walls. In my soul is magic, I am floating high. Like a highborn coming into the world; but I am of the world. I dont think the scripture is foolishness, I think it is too well written. But again, its a religion. And religion is Man-made. I wish that God was better, that God was love. That He did not judge us, because in the end we were created by God; so why should God judge us? Is it not the Maker that should be judged if His creation is flawed? You hypocrite! Admit and say: I am a hypocrite. But dont be destroyed, dont fall down into the dark. Stand up again and be wise; We cannot proove or disproove the existence of a God. But we are fools; some more than others. We are who we are; and life is a struggle. The earth is Harma-geddon, the gathering of the species. There is a hell, and there is a heaven. They are connected in our world. Regular humans live on the dimension of the earth; but the spirits live in hell and heaven. The angels are the reapers, and the children of God are those that does the good deeds. Sowing their good in the world. Who am I to judge? I wish the world would make more sense, that humans used their heads for wisdom instead of madness. But then again, I am a hypocrite, and so are you.
24/10/2021 "Poem about the stars."they come to you
dressed in white;
but are black as night.
they are wolves,
pretending to be sheep.
lost entities driven to kill,
because of our sin.
we lived this life,
you and I,
like angels in morning light.
we were the stars,
we sat in the universe,
from heaven you'll fall.
the world doesn't know us,
thats why they hate us.
we were once glorified,
lived in grace.
now we are lost,
in the cold winter war.
we stand up and we fall,
again we stand up. and fall.
we are the message
that crawls through the tunnels.
trying to reach out,
for better times.
I want to apologize to all good and benevolent people out there for my judgements and critical thinking.
Its okay to be religious and a believer, as long as you love and do good.
It is the hypocrites I am judging, and not you. I hope you all the best in the world. God bless you and be with you.
Eminem's new song "Darkness";
"The reason why we are so fucked up. " I know the darkness too and the loneliness, that nobody understand what you're going through. Nobody you can trust because your mind is messed up,filled with paranoia. People think I have an easy life but reality is I am very deep down in the hole of abyss. "Hello darknesss my old friend." my friend that both kills me and keeps me going. Pain is my life, so I have come to love the pain. But every good thing that happens I am blessed with. All these good people who accept me still as I am. It can always be worse.
28/10/2021 "When an angel has fallen.""I have tasted the bittersweet of mortality; and have come to love what I once hated. I have stood in the halls of the Gods; I have been one of the celestial order. Born into a world where we'll wither away. No god has ever suffered as man has suffered. No angel has known such humility of being man. So when the stars declared war to humanity; I now stand amoung them. Ready to fall and die like all."
For gods to understand mortals, they must become mortals themselves.
- Zolly Darko.
In life I have failed. I am a sinner who's been living in sin. I am a human trapped in my mind. Each day brings its blessing; and its curses. I am happy for all that I have; and even if my life is pain. I have talked the talk and walked the walk. I have proven to be the real deal. Maybe another narcissist in his own madness, but I am what I am. It's the name of God - I am. We are I am, our names are our titles. But who we are is "I am." We are gods, like God. But we have not created the world as God have, however like God we also create. We may be hypocrites, but we need to carry each other. Carry each other through the suffering. Hold onto the good, hope for the best. We will succeed. I am indeed blessed, to have lived. Maybe I have lost, but I have loved. Even as a failure, a joke to the heavens. I am me. I am who I want to be. My soul , my spirit, my mind. I am more advanced, more intelligent, there is magic in me. You may call me a male witch, you may say that I'm human, you may even call me possessed. But like a spirit no one knows where I came from, nor do they know where I go. I feel you, I understand you. I want the best for you. I love you. I try. and yes I fail. So in life I have failed; I've lived in sin. The pistol had been found, as I walked through life. The road of suffering it goes, but evolves your soul, and your mind. I am a genius with the flaw of insanity. There's a fine line between genius and insane, and I am both.
3/11/2021 "Sanity.""I am an insane man with a broken mind."
I live no more in the madness of my own mind. I have come to realize I am just me, a person in the world. Human? Yes sure. Superior? Yeah. I know that my intelligence is in the very high levels. I know that I have wisdom, that I have understanding and that I live outside of the boxes of human minds and reason, thinking. I am a person quite cool, there is humour, there is benevolent trolling. I may be a spirit, but I am human. Maybe we're all spirits, just that some do not realize it. As spirit,mind and body are one. If our soul is sick, so will our body be. If our body is sick, so will our soul be. We live in a world that's insane. We cannot know truth from deceit, so we all think we have an idea, an understanding --- but most of us are fools enough to think we have the truth. The truth is, that truth is hard to know. Just compare all the conspiracy theories, how humans become crazy because they do not think for themselves. Because of the primitive human behavior and mind, people like Hitler succeeded. Because of the greed and the selfishness, people hurt people. And even worse, the way we treat animals. This is a fallen world, but there is a paradise in it. Some of us are happy and some of us are not, but you can always help yourself. Start with your thoughts, and change the course. Think positive and be optimistic, I know it's easier said than done. As the mind has a will of it's own. Who am I to say, and judge? Who are you to say, and judge? Arent we all under the same sky and above the same ground? I am an insane man with a broken mind. But that's history. Tomorrow is the focuse, yesterday was yesterday. It feels like a long time, I knew that someday I would understand - A million miles away. A message to the main. Season come and go, and I will never change. As the musics lift you up, as the musics bring you down. Oh what am I even writing ? Do I make any sense? Is it possible to change, to put the broken pieces together and become sane? Am I the only one, who reason and think as I do? My intelligence is so superior, yet many times I am the fool. Who could believe someone like me reached the universe, and became a star of His own? I am what I am, I say so many times. Just like God is "I am who I am. " And Moses spoke to Him. Who am I speaking to? Long and dark wonders in the mind. We are diamonds in the sky. I'm a shooting star, A crazy person sure. But there's a fine line between genius and insane. There's a fine line between now and then, but tomorrow is the focuse and yesterday was yesterday. Every new day bring it's new sunrise, a new chance to fight and to win. Fight for you, fight for your mind, fight for your life. Don't let the Abyss swallow you whole. Reach for the stars and become who you are, who you want to be. I am me, and I like who I am. Ofcourse not always, but I am a shooting star -- a vision of ecstasy.
10/12/2021 "About religion."A discussion I had on Facebook (has been pasted to here.)
does the spirit come from God ? or can you have spirit without God? since also some angels are fallen, ?
if you have love in your heart, does that come from God too?
Since if I have love in my heart, I cannot be religious or believe the religious Because it is Not love or mercy against the sinner. It is condemnation to the sinner. Yet christians claim to be saved, even if they are sinners too. (Where is the love?) or where is the common sense ? Is it not meant that we should love and forgive people; and even direct them into believing in the Christ. "It is the heart that believes in righteousness." Even the religion "christianity" is a joke. As well as God does not favor cowards, In ways we should be righteous and brave and not afraid to get killed for speaking the truth. But we are hypocrites, and truly we cannot say there is God or there is not God, because we dont have proof. but we can have hope, faith and love. Which is what christians should have. Many christians act like heathens, then suddenly they act like christians with authority from God. they are hypocrites. If you claim to be saved and to be a christian, You do not have the right to claim authority if you sin in the dark and pretend to be a saint in the light.
if no one is worthy and we can only be worthy by believing the Christ. what does this make God to be ? And God claim He is the only one who is Good. the God of the bible is "not Good." He created temptation and made us able to sin, then He judges us for it. I do not mean to offend believers and judge them. Just want a person wise enough to explain to me because this is one of the main reasons I consider myself agnostic and not a christian. The bible is very well written "to capture even the most intelligent. " It is definetily not "foolishness."
I agree to "love one another" and "love your neighbour as yourself. " but these kind of "religious talk" is like feeding each other faith but in fact has nothing to do with God. it is very possible tho that your faith affects reality; and may even bless you more than for people who does not have faith. I think its only wise to question things you believe or hear. I tried christianity for over 10 years and it brought me nothing but delusions. maybe there is God; but the God i think God is, is much better than the God of christians or other religious groups. if God is love; then good people should not go to hell just for not believing in His Son. to say that there are no good people and we are all deserving of hell is not true thinking. Neither are we born evil. there are good and bad people everywhere, even in christianity there are bad people who instead of helping others, they damage them mentally and do evil. and its common knowledge that some priests are pedophiles. many priests are also hypocrites and do miracles in falsehood , just to deceive people of faith. its very possible that some humans have a gene to believe God, and their belief in God benefits them. but to claim that you are worthy of heaven instead of the other sinner, is hypocrisy. Not even the devil deserves to be tormented in fire for an eternity. what God would have such a punishment?
Ending: We all think and reason differently and we should have the right to believe what we want. For mankind to one day find world peace; they must increase their wisdom and intelligence. Humans are stupid, history has proven this. Humans are easily lead and fooled by leaders; they have been brainwashed to do evil and hurt other people. Many humans lack the empathy and emotional intelligence to know right from wrong. In ways maybe we all know right from wrong. But as a species, I think we should understand what is truly right and wrong. Think for yourself, dont let the leaders laugh at you for believing their lie. There are many psychopaths who control and rule the world. Give the power to good and humble men, bring justice for them that have been wronged by society. Maybe it is not possible in a near future, but I hope humanity will evolve, and one day have world peace.
14/12/2021 "Poem ..."Angel in heaven
How have I fallen
Like a stone in the river
Unfolded by the depth
Standing guilty to God
In a world of hate
We are the ones who were blamed
In a river of stones
I am floating hollow empty
In a broken world
I sing my song
Whoever I am
One day to die
away from Life
I have come
From lands high above
Born into this world
Like a fallen angel
I stand accused
I am the sinner
But I have hope
That one day I will be blessed
Away from the darkness and the suffering
That I am feeling
In darkness I dwell
I have always been the one to blame
Like the son of God crucified unto a cross
The one they blame because
Life doesnt make any sense
We live and we die
We are forgotten and One day
Tomorrow will always come
No matter what the end time prophets say
The man and the spirit;
"There's a beast in me that has been sleeping for a long year. There has been no reason to wake it. But the prophecy say that I shall come with great might from the north; Stained in the blood of my enemies. They may plan to kill me, but when I am done with them it will be the genocide of the new era. "
"And black wings shall grow out of his back. His breath will be like smoke and fire and His tail will sting like the sting of a scorpion. His name shall be The destroyer, and He is the king of the underworld. Who am I?"
- angry johnny.
16/12/2021 "Man of Hell.""If you have been in hell, you will appreciate the heaven that you now live in."
Life is hard for most of us. But if you only focuse on your negative, you will feel the negative. If you try and focuse on the Good, you will feel better. It can always be worse. Some are more blessed than others, and some are more cursed than others. There are people who suffer greatly, but many that complain about their life should focuse more on what they actually have. If you have been through hell, you now know the heaven that you live in.
*** I choose to be good because being bad doesnt make me feel good. ***
I am not perfect, but at least I can admit that I were wrong. I can say "Im sorry." but you dont want my apology, nor do you want to forgive me. I am a soul of angel, but you are the soul of a human. It is in human nature to hate and hold grudges. Even your Messiah said that "humans are evil. " I am not evil, because I am not human. My body may be human, but my spirit is not.
20/12/2021 "Of a sound mind."I just want to write today that please do not hate me or judge me even if some of the stuff I have written here may not be kind and merciful. I am a philosopher, a creative person, an artist, IQ test designer, probably a kind of genius -- but I am not perfect. I should not judge things because I am myself corrupt. I know that many things I've written here may be kinda atheistic and critisizing against faith. I think people of faith are great, but it is the hypocrites I think of when I am judging "religion." I have lived in this world now for almost 36 years. I hope to live many more years, and I hope that time will not make me age, get sick, and like all to die one day. I love good people and I am a supporter of humanity. Yes very probably I am narcissistic because of the ways I think of myself -- being more than a human. Being an angel or a spirit, an alien from another (more benevolent) world. I hope that you will not judge me or think less of me, because of the things I've written. I usually think about all kinds of things I've done wrong when I have anxiety -- having the devil in my head, and other people, who enjoy my tribulation and suffering. I do not deny that Jesus is the Christ or that He have come in the flesh, I know that I don't want to be an enemy to Jesus, and especially Not an Enemy to His people. I hope that if I die, that I can go into a better world than a worse one than this one. This world is OK, but there's alot of suffering in it. Maybe its a beautiful planet with great nature and animals; but we people make it less. Society today is worse than it was in the past. I think people in the past enjoyed life much more. Again please read what I am typing in my blog with a pinch of salt; don't take it too seriously. In the end I am just another "schizophrenic" man in a world of all kinds.
7/2/2022 "Wish I could change the world."I am sorry that you're suffering. I am sorry for the aging and the death that effects us all. I am sorry for the violent man who abuse other people. I am sorry for the man who beats his wife and kids. I am sorry for those who are alone and have no one that can help them. I am sorry for those who sit behind bars, in captivity,for years. I am sorry because of the hunger and disease in the world; I am sorry for the hate and destruction humans bring. I am sorry that you believe everything you hear; without thinking for yourself. I am sorry that you think Good is bad. I am sorry that we were born into this world... but I am also happy. I used to be young and wild; but age gives wisdom. I used to be a rockstar; and I still am. Like a childish spirit from different worlds and dimension, here I am. I was born into this world different; not a normal person. I can read you, but I don't know everything. I wish those who mourn shall be comforted; I wish those who are persecuted shall see justice against their offenders. I am sorry for those who bomb up themselves believing they do the will of God. I am sorry that religion has caused people to laugh at Christ. I wish you could see, and hear, and understand --- I wish you were more aware,more intelligent, more understanding. There are all kinds in this world; all kinds of people with different paths. The balance of the world is Good and Evil, and the between. We all serve a purpose, and some will be punished. I hate that those of religion come in great masses and brainwash the gullible. I hate and despise those who use children and molest them; because humans are worse than animals. But we are not all the same, Not all of us are bad --- yet there is No perfect human. We have all sinned; and some will serve as the Punisher, and some as the Advocate. The spirit and body and mind are the same; the day we die what happens next, No one knows. We are the prophets of our own truth; bringing into the world what we have inside. We are the hypocrites that goes in the dirt, we rise and we fall. We are the ones cast out, and again and again, A new day bring forth new oppertunities. A new chance to be a good man.
14/2/2022 "Death in me."
20/2/2022 "Another melancholic story of poetry."I am kicked down by demons and tormented every day by depression and the chaotic delusion of persecution and mistrust. The reflection i see in the mirror and the thoughts in my head. Ima frikin genius you can t see. Im a man in hell; but i wake up to the morningstar and i wonder and i ponder, in the dark i came from into darkness i go but i am someone that never belonged in your world.
Most of the great are just show with proud but empty words. givin' you promises they cannot keep. giving you a hope thats a lie. religion too. the fraud rule the world and the sheep follow closeby. power is an illusion; if you can give the illusion,you have the power.
God vs Satan:
This God versus Devil thing is a business between God and the Devil. we all know God and the Devil sometime talk to each other, proof= The Job chapter in old testament. I dont think Devil hates God; Devil hates humans however. this is why Devil want to proove God that humans are unworthy of His love
23/2/2022 "Why do you complain?"Yes, why? Arent you fed every day. Dont you have clothes on you. Dont you have freedom, not being locked up in some prison or mental asylum? Are you not allowed to eat cookies and sweets, drink beer, maybe even smoke a joint? Arent you allowed to do what you want, Enjoy the day with friends? Yes why do you complain?
To all of you who does not have these things; You have something to complain about.
Some people are more blessed than others, and some people more cursed than others. We are given what we have in life; Deal the best with what you have. Think positive, be happy. And dont worry. Let worry worry about worry. Feel glad, be nice. Be free. Your life is a gift from God.
THE POEM OF THE DAY:
I seek a life, far away
that I can live in peace
I seek a people
that will understand
I seek a civilization
much like home
In a world where I don't belong
because I have tasted and tried
the bittersweet of humanity
I am someone
in this world
Lost and forgotten
because my words are songs
that I sing for you
my heart is filled with love
mercy towards you
my regrets are many
I've wronged human kind
my sins outgrow me as I somehow fly away
to live through another day
The diamonds are forever
and so am I
the song I sing for you
One day you'll see
who I really am
And you will see that I am on your side
you will see that I were right
I told you before
The God I know is Love
and so are we
when we are bound together in faith
far away from the wolves
the beasts who haunt us
the demons who curse and slander us
We are who we are
Just as God is
I am... the name of
You and me
whoever you are
wherever you are in the world
Know that you're not alone
the pain and the tribulations we have
as people laugh
These moments of hell
inside our reality
Because we are warriors from high above
soldiers from heaven to fight the holy war
In a world that's harma geddon
The gathering of the species
the beginning of the end
and the end of Pain
The birds will sing about us
they will show us the way
In a world where you and I
5/3/2022 "My way."What if my schizophrenia is a development of my mind because I am not less intelligent, I am much more intelligent, than I ever was. What if all I believe is true, but there are not humans to see it through ? What if the smarter you get, the wiser you are and the more you know, the lonelier you are because Its cold and lonely at the top of the world. What if money and power is not the path to victory; what if Logic is ? What if immortality is found by destroying your life and mind, like Jesus said "He that looses his life in the world for my sake, shall win it, and win eternal life." What if God cannot be found in the world, but the way to Him goes only through Christ ? Jesus said "You cannot go to the Father but through the Son." and "Believe on the One I sent," And when you finally have the truth, The truth shall set you free. And I hope the truth will set me free. This path is all your own, Good luck, and have fun, Its a road of tough and bad days, of sin and suffering. Its a road through the valley of shadow and death. You do not know my life or what I have endured, my pains and my sins, and my sufferings and the hell I've walked in. You have no idea yet you judge me......... you dont know whats it like to be me and to have been walking this road I have been walking. So when I see someone else who has, I hope I can be there for them and help them on the way. I know they may not always be pleasant, but it is The Son who calls and have chosen, not us but Him who chose us.
- "Another wasted mind. A genius who read the bible; understood it, and became insane." for I have lost my life in the world thanks to the bible; For God or for a fantasy, I'll never know until the day I do.
1/4/2022 "My hope."It is my greatest hope for humanity that humanity will one day find peace with each other; living under the same sky and above the same ground, in peace. Where people will not be judged because of their faith or religion, and where people will not have war or terrorism. A world united to work together and find cures to our diseases. Technology to explore the universe and lands that are a paradise because this world is a paradise, but humans has destroyed it. The creation is not evil, we can see that in the animals and the nature --- as humans are not meant to kill each other (Why do they do it?) A world where world leaders will think first of humanity, instead of their own power and wealth. Maybe humans lack intelligence or benevolence, whatever is the cause of their greed, hate and evil.
5/5/2022 "What is hebephrenic schizophrenia? The Zolly edition."This is my definition of the diagnosis 'hebephrenic schizophrenia.' by my experience with my own struggles and the struggles I have seen with others who has this diagnosis. Well. A hebephrenic schizo may come off as childish, inappropriate behavior and giggling in weird situations. We may have alot of energy and act impulsive. Our thoughts and speak may become disorganized, also our behavior may be similar to manic behavior. We may say and do stupid things. Also we see it as "high energy " and "humour." We are very much "insane. " Its not like the common schizophrenia where you hear voices, feel persecuted, that people are planning things against you. But it is also common with people of this diagnosis to have delusions. We may think that we are more than human, that we are aliens, angels, or ghosts. Our reality perception can be weird, and most of the time our behavior is childish and impulsive. This diagnosis is also known as "disorganized schizophrenia. " in my oppinion it is a childish form of schizophrenia. Medications do help alot against the psychotic symptoms, and the prognosis is ofcourse very different from person to person. I see my hebephrenia as a gift; also because I've always liked to be "crazy " and "weird " but I do not like if/when I have hallucinations or delusions. Its also very common that people with this diagnosis become interested in weird subjects as poetry, religion, philosophy. Hypochondria is also common, that we may think we have physical problems and disease. The fear of dying and such. We may seem stupid but in our mind we are highly intelligent.
8/5/2022 "Poetry."A "poem" I wrote today because of how some people see me...
"You may think that you know me, but you dont, I know exactly how you look at me and how you perceive me. You take my kindness as a sign of weakness, and you dont give a shit what Im trying to do. I wasnt born in your world to create suffering and war, I was born into your world to stop it. I am an alien from a far distant world, a world which you have no clue of. You think i am human, a victim, but I am not. Only my body is human, but my spirit is not. You think im stupid because you dont understand the things I say. You dont see the geniusness in me, because you are not intelligent enough to spot it. You may call me a regular joe, just an ordinary person, but I am much more than you can ever imagine. "