SCHIZO-LOGS by Zolly Darko.

Zolly Darko's Blog Page.


7/3/2021 "The insane man's reasoning."

Am I the insane man that I see. Or am I the sane man I know that I am? Have I received wisdom; and where does it come from? Am I the voices in my head that tells me Don't worry. It's going to be alright. Am I the reason in my mind; The logic that I see and the patterns and the coincidence. Who and what am I. Long and dark hours I've spent in suffering. Alone, and in the darkness. I am the ones we scream away in the dark. From the depths of hell I cry out; Tryin' to reach God. Yet here I am. The one that understands. The one who realizes, who is above the thinking boxes of mankind. Yes indeed; having a higher consciousness. Being too intelligent for my own good. You may say, you may think, that there's no logic that drives me to speak. Yet it takes a genius to see, and to understand, what that I am saying am. I have walked the hard way, I have talked the talk. I've been the one, and I wonder how. Religion is hypocrisy, the mind it knows. Atheism is the darkside, the people of Satan they think they are right. The books of prophets and the teaching of the Law; But God is Not love. So I cannot believe. Yet I am; what I am. I know what I know. But I cannot believe. How can I? I cant be smarter than the One God. My reasoning nor my love can be higher than His. But then again; Some who came across on my path, they said: I am God. They said: I am Jesus. And I was frightened; because I knew they want a sacrifice. Once again, mankind wants someone else to be punished for their sins. In deep hell I sometimes dwell; but yet I am heaven, and heaven I bring. My insanity is this; It's built on things only a genius could understand. I've read the bible; I know the meaning of the teaching. And so again I say; those religious, those hypocrites! Death am I, in the universe - black is my sky. I am star, I am born with wings, and with spirit. Nobody knows where I came from; Nor do they know where I go. The narcissist here is me. The deluded man is here as well. The logician and the prophet, the philosopher and the realist. Here I am. Alone. Because there's None to understand, that which I am. That which I'm saying. Trying to say. Am I the only one. Is there anyone out there. I am alone. Indeed. A man of few words, may seem. Or a rambling fool, that doesn't make any sense. So here we go again. The vampires they are satisfied. They drank my pain like wine. They sip and they sap. Because they eat the children of the God. We are their life; the salt of the world. Again into my delusional rhyme. I'll never find a way out. Yet I'm already here. Somewhere. In my own universe, the heavens that I dwell in.

8/3/2021 "Copy& paste."

The prayer:
May the Creator, the God the allfather, forgive us, have mercy on us and bring to us a world that overflow with milk and honey. May the creator God; look to us with mercy and sympathy and understanding for our wrong doings. may the merciful Christ come with mercy and all the holy angels with him. May the Lord Jesus mercy be with all.

The reasoning:
Humans are not corrupt and evil, If you believe that then you believe everyone is like you. Learning to understand people is Not the same as to think everyone is like you. We are all different in all kinds of ways. I dislike proudful , arrogant behavior and people that think they are smarter than others. There are not really any "stupid people". Also wisdom is to know that nobody can always be right. We are all wrong now and then. Strength is to admit that we are wrong. Wisdom is to understand how other think and reason. More or less we are all fools; but the ones that realize they are fools have the oppertunity to evolve. Greatest of things is compassion, and empathy for those who are not lucky in life. Despiseful are the people who laugh at those who are unlucky in life. Humans are all different; there are good humans and bad humans and those in between. There is no sinless human or perfect human. Religion or not religion, faith or not faith, has nothing to do with intelligence.

10/3/2021 "Philosophy of a great mind."

Yeah so I call my mind great. Isn't that a piece of narcissism spooking around? Well. I am a realist, an open-minded guy with lightningbolts in my brain. I'm the crazy man with the crazy thinking. IQ test author nr 1. The Sundark prophet and the madman, here I am. I dwell in my own reality, where some crazy stuff like paranoia has it's parts. My understanding of the world; of the human race. My love and benevolence for those who are weaker than me. I know that I might be a fool; yet we can only evolve if we accept our flaws, and want to change. Is that true? I don't know. Maybe I made it up. Maybe I'm just another crazy guy in a world of madness, stupidity, and misunderstanding. As I myself, the great philosopher, has the misunderstanding of paranoia. Am I schizophrenic? Am I a hebephrenic? Yes indeed. Look it up. You'll see how crazy we are. We are the nature's messengers, the shamans of the new age. We are the crazy men in the hospitals, we are the madness in your mind. The flaw of the universe, the cause of existence. We are thinkers, understanders, philosophers, dreamers. We are One with the banner of the holy mind. We are the reason, the meaning, we are all, the reason and the meaning. We are all the angel and the demon, the prophet and the hypocrite. We are all sinner, lover, dreamers and killers. We are the entities in a world so beautiful, can't you see the paradise we live in? We are the voices that reaches out into the universe. We are the radio and the transmitter. We are the message, and our message reaches out in the whole universe. As the aliens spotted us; as they arrived on our planet. Oh dear, I'm insane, just once again. The young man here is me. The youth, the kid, the childish man. Who and what am I, I dream away in a world of magic. Who and what are you, as you dream away in a world of magic. Do you have an open mind, or do you believe only in facts, science, and that. Well, I can tell you - only because you havn't seen something, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. And I exist.

13/3/2021 "Maybe I am a devil..."

Maybe I am no better than a beast. Yet even if I am a beast; Don't I have the right to live?

Maybe I am a fallen angel. Someone who came out of hell and was born (again.)
Maybe I am the voices in my head. The good and the bad.
Maybe I am eternal; who has been drugged with chemicals.
Antipsychotic medicines, to make me the human they want me to be.
Maybe I am an angel; a star blazing in the endless universe.
Maybe I am no better than the ones I judge.
Maybe I just want to be good. Maybe I just want to live a life,
I am the wolf, alone, in a mad world.
I am the voice, and the messenger. I am Me.
In a world where All I can be - the shadow of the light.
The names I use, and who I am. Someone lost in flames,
lost in pain.
Does it even make any sense? Am I the only one without a name?
// The lonewolf.



14/3/2021 "The sons of God visits Earth."



14/3/2021 "Trying Poetry."

Who do you say that I am , who am I.
Do you know my feelings, do you know my suffering?
Why do you hate me, and judge me?
Why am I destined to pain; No matter if I go left or right.
Who do you say that I am, who am I?
I am fallen, I am doomed.
I am singing my songs of freedom;
like a Bird I need to fly.
All I ever wanted, all I ever asked.
Why are we destined to suffer?
Each and one of us going down under the earth.
We'll be burnt or buried.
Just a memory in the past, soon being forgotten.
We are the voices, we shout out into the universe.
Some of us are angels, some of us are demons.
Some of us are human.
Some of us know, and some of us will be judged.
You may think that it's God; but you don't know.
You save the one who can only save you.
But you forget the other guy, hidden in the background.
The myth and the legend; I am.
I am what I am.
And you don't know who I am.
You don't know my heart, nor my mind.
You may be a telepath. But you don't know.
You may think you're wise. But you don't know.
I am; The myth and the legend.
I am what I am.
Is this all I am?
With wings and a bright white halo, I sing my song of freedom.
Like a bird I fly into the sky.
I'll close my eyes and dream away.
Forever, is a long time. Eternity, is a place.
Do you know who I am , can you see it in my face?
Do you have grace ?
Will you show mercy or will you show spite?
Why do you hate me?
Can you see into my soul, and tell me my name, who I am?
So I fly away, somehow, to live another day.

14/3/2021 "Hebephrenic schizophrenia."

This is my diagnosis since the age of 15. I think the diagnosis is accurate. I have a childish behavior, and sometimes a bit disorganized thought and behavior. I've got anxiety; and I have hypocondria. As I am deeply attached in religious thinking because of reading the bible. At the same time being very skeptic, and questioning this faith. Yes I believe in God, but I am not religious. I think there is too much hypocrisy for it to be true. However it is not possible that everything has been created the way it has, without a Creator. So in my honest oppinion I think the creation is proof of God's existence. You may think I'm an idiot or fool for believing that, or if you as well are agnostic or a christian, maybe jew or muslim, you'll have a better understanding. I do not judge people that are atheist as long as they are not judging me or what I believe. I think that as "human" we must accept how other people think and reason, because everyone think and reason differently. We are all different. There is also a say that we can understand other people by understanding ourselves but I wouldn't agree to that. Other people are not like you, or me, everyone is different and also unique, everyone have their own unique soul which combines their spirit, personality, characterism, feelings, intellect, etc etc. Also some humans are completely evil, while others can be almost like saints. There are as well no sinless human or perfect human, but there are alot of nice people out there. I have spent alot of times in hospital against my will for psychosis. When psychotic I am paranoid, delusional and I have hallucinations, also my behavior is disorganized, and I get alot of energy, I become creative, even more intelligent, and I would say that my mental ability and my physical becomes more powerful. I believe that when I am in psychosis I'm not really human anymore, but something more like a beast or even angel. At the moment I am taking clozapine, which is a heavy medicine with lots of side effects. But I am in quite good shape, which is OK. As a person with mental illness and has been many times locked up in hospitals I can also say that there are some bad doctors and nurses out there, while there also are good ones. So I am a realist; I don't judge all for what some does. Same goes with other believers like jews and muslims, I don't judge muslims for believing in the Quran. And as far as it goes with jews I know they are God's chosen people (The people of Israel.) The bible is full of that, that the jews being God's people and I completely agree to it and am not jealous or anything like that. In fact if I were an angel when Adam and Eva was created I'd without doubt bow before them and bless them. I am also a supporter of humanity; I do not want the human race to be extinct. There was a time when I wanted that, in my teen age and early adulthood. I was misguided, an angry young man but because I was intelligent, ofc I'd be angry about how the world works. I hope that humanity in the future will learn to find peace, that the wars , terrorism, etc, will be gone. Much like K-Pax. Our planet finally having found peace, understanding, humility, and that we focuse on saving the planet and the human race. Finding cure to many sicknesses, like cancer, and so on. When it comes to curing schizophrenia; for example in my case. Maybe I wouldn't be "genius" if I wasn't schizophrenic. As well as maybe I'm not a "genius" but I do believe I am ( smile.) About my hallucinations; I do not hear voices or such but I do get thoughts in my mind that are not my own. The hallucinations I've had have been on the TV, and stuff happening around me, sort of like visual hallucinations. The paranoia has been terrible, I was afraid of being murdered, eaten , etc. But there were also good things with being in psychosis, for example the power I get, the energy, the increasing creativity and intelligence, and the magic I get. For example the magic to change eye color, or also to help other people, usually mentally. Maybe I think like this because I am a schizo, or maybe it is true. Who knows. Maybe the doctors know. When it comes with doctors; I think to be a good doctor you must listen to the patient, and allow them to decide also what kinds of medicine they wanna take. Some of these medicines are NOT good. They may have some bad side effects, like many people gain lots of weight, which is neither fun. In my case I havn't gained weight of the medicines, so I'm lucky. But I have other side effects instead like tiredness, lower emotions, and I am more human now which I do not prefer to be. I love being me when Iam psychotic, just that I dont want the delusions, paranoia and hallucinations. Being in hospital can also be very bad; but there are fun times too. I wouldn't recommend this life for anybody else, that I have survived it is because I am mentally very strong. Most people wouldn't have made it in my shoes. This is true.
//

11/5/2021 "Something that I wrote."

Taken from my facebook page. I removed it; cause I think it might not be well understood by sensetive people.

PART 1:

I am a professional IQ test designer and also a great philosopher and thinker. With the gift of creativity and artistic. But if you know me personally I may not be that good. I may seem childish and crazy; saying weird stuff and act weirdly. However if you treat me with respect and kindness, I will treat you back the same. However dont take my kindness for weakness. Also dont be surprised if I am rude; I am a rebel in a fallen world. I love good and kind people; and I despise evil hypocrites. I dont really hate anyone however. Always also happy to see when bad people become good. Or to see goodness in bad people. I am not "saved by Jesus" I am a wreck and a sinner. And I am also a doubter. My sanity tells me that its just bullshit. But ofcourse I do not know.

PART 2:

I dont like satanists and I dont like witches. Why? Satanists are sadist and antisocial people. Their belief that satan is good and that satan is better than God and all that= All I can say is= BULLSHIT. Witches take the law in their own hands and curse whoever they dont like. But if you are a good witch; protecting the weak and those who cant protect themself, if you use your magic to heal and do good; then I have nothing against you. I dislike nazi people, I think they are cowards and hypocrites. I want to rebuke people that call you racist only because you are realist. I despise doctors and people with power who abuse their power. I dislike psychiatry because it is the work of manipulation and to manipulate peoples mind. I despise those who hit their animals, their wives and their children. I despise priests who hind behind God and molesting children. I despise foreigners who come into your country and destroy it. I despise religious people who are hypocrites and does no good what they preach. I despise atheist for being such arrogant and cant leave those with faith alone. I despise the rulers of the world who sit in joy and say to themselves "what luck that men dont think!" I despise what the church did in the past and I despise people that hurt other people. I despise them who feed upon fear and weakness; they who use the weak and the old. I despise liars and manipulators. And I despise snitches and "cops-kinda-people" who rat on you. I despise them that despises me; Cause im a lil narcissistic. But there is great benevolence in me; I rejoice when someone that hated me becomes my friend. I rather forgive you than destroy you, but there are some that I indeed want to destroy. People that has not suffered in life knows nothing about suffering. If you have suffered, you dont want to bring it to someone else.

PART 3:

Its another thing to read the bible and a complete another thing to understand it. The bible is toxic for the mind. Trust in yourself and in your abilities. I dont say "Dont believe God" I say "Use your mind/head. Think for yourself." there are alot of weird stuff in the world and alot of weird kinds of people with weird kinds of talents. Its impossible to say and be accurate= There is God . or B) There is not God. the option is C) We dont know.


22/5/2021 "Poem of today; The killer."

I am killer;
destroyer of minds.
I am logic;
Concept of truth.
I am prophet;
I know the gods.
I am sinner;
I am saint;
Im demon;
Im angel.
Im insane.
I am, is my name.
This and that;
Here I am once again.
Messenger;
Gateway for the spirit realm.
A gatekeeper;
Standing in the halls of pyramids.
I am the answer;
The message.
I am the reason;
Your call.
I am Everything and I am nothing.
Im born in space.
I am destruction;
Rage and death.
I am killer;
destroyer of minds.
I am logic;
Concept of delusion.
I am insane.
I come from hell.
I ve been in heaven.
Im the star;
Bright and shiny.
The endless road I walk.
Alone; Like a ghost.
Im the beginning and the end.
Im insane.


24/5/2021. "Faith is Hypocrite's nest."

Faith given with broken promises. The illusion of being saved is, brainwashed again. You wake up to the same hell and every day is the same. You need drugs to feel fine. In life we are the angels of the dark, we cast aside our love and embrace the truth. In truth I spoke, but my truth was lies and insanity. I am the man He thinks he's know, but i m just another insane man where angels cry blood. We are born and raised to a world that doesnt give a damn. Step by step we all fall and grace is lost to all. The faith of the religious is understanding without mercy. You say "believe" or "I shall perish." your religion is slavery and it is the destruction of an intelligent mind. Who am I. I wonder. born in a world Im a foreigner, im an outsider. born in a world, I dont belong. Truth you seek but lies you speak. Love you claim but its hate you feel. You're the hypocrite and the bullshitter. Your promises are lies without end. It's just the same. All in one game, and the name of the game is a secret to the world as you walk away from life. Age and die. You're destined to return to the ground. Your preach is the opium for the masses. I don't need. I don't want your insanity. I don't want your lies. Where is that love you say you have ? Where is that mercy over my soul? All I ever wanted was forgiveness, to hear the true voice of God. But none of you has it, you're all a bunch of hypocrites and your faith is delusion. I am sorry if I left a bad taste in your mouth, but now you have someone to blame. The man to blame is the man who knows. And No one knows.

26/5/2021 "Copy&paste II."

I wrote this on facebook and considered to share it on my SchizoLogs as well:

(About faith in God, religion, etc.)

No one knows the truth and whatever books you read you are not sure if they are true as well. Things makes sense to humans because it suit their main belief. So everyone is wrong until truth is revealed. Christians claim to know the truth through the bible and their faith in the Jesus of the bible. as atheist choose to believe the arguments against this faith. All is hypocrites. Its a big mess of minds that all believe differently. What makes sense to one does not make sense to the other. Fact is not always fact and proof is not always proof. Its a belief system in humanity. And everyone believe in something.

: What I so many times want to tell people is that: Its OK to believe in God and its OK to not to. Just dont involve hate and judgement against each other. Like any dreamer we dream of world peace. A society where humans learn to live with each other and their differences. An intelligent and benevolent world. Some of us are benevolent, intelligent and especially "aware." But most humans are not. And many follow lies the media teaches them. There is so much fraud and injustice, and fake news. But times are changing and we are here to stay. * I have come to witness the rebirth of paradise. Undespoiled by mankind. I have come to witness the revolution; as long as I live I shall bring the light. As long as there is life in my soul; I shall bring good. But when the light in me has gone out. Please be there for me. *

Imagine there is No....

It's a beautiful world. This is a paradise. Open your eyes and see.



// The schizophrenic man's rant.

@ zollysite.com